As highlighted by Jim in his comment, it's only fair that we give Bournemouth's James Hayter a round of applause for scoring the fastest hattrick in Football League history in Tuesday's 6-0 win over Wrexham.

Elsewhere, those chappies at UEFA are to investigate Roberto Carlos' punch on Tuesday night. Justified it may be, but rumour has it that they are looking for any excuse to fine people as Lennart Johannson's cake bill is reaching extraordinary levels.

The most ludicrous rumour (besides the one above) is the one in today's newspapers about Alex Ferguson taking over at Chelsea, although it only narrowly beats the one about Barcelona president Juan Laporta saying that he will make three big signings in the summer: Christian Vieri and David Trezeguet and Phil Neville.

Surely not even Alex Ferguson believes that. It takes willful ignorance of facts to new heights. Nevertheless it is hard to say whether he actually meant to stamp on Vitor Baia, but as this sending off was the 11th of his career we're not really going to give Roy the benefit of the doubt. Giving the circumstances, i.e. Man U 2-1 down and not looking like scoring again, it's likely that Roy was looking to let off a bit of steam in the only way he knows how. In the words of BA Baracus, "I pity the fool".

Of course the words of Porto coach Jose Mourinho, "you would be really sad if your team gets as clearly dominated as that by an opponent who has been built on maybe 10% of the budget", will really psyche Man U up for the return leg and they have that vital away goal. I hate to say it, but only an idiot underestimates the Old Trafford gang.

Meanwhile in Germany, Chelsea arguably got a lucky break against Stuttgart, who despite having the majority of chances never really looked like converting them. Nevertheless, the few chances that Chelsea did have were more clear-cut and Gudjohnsen really should've sealed the game halfway through the first half. The German team started the game brightly, but Fernando Meira's own goal very much took the wind out of their sails (although Crespo would've scored if Meira hadn't reached the ball) and after that, the only thing that Chelsea really had to do was to defend.

In the other two ties, Lyon's away win at Real Sociedad provides a solid base for their second leg, while Juve have got to win at home after their 1-0 defeat in La Coruna. Unlikely, as it may seem, last year's finalists might just not make it through to the next round, although for the neutral fan that's probably a good thing.

To the delight of any football fan who has a dislike of Bayern Munich, Oli Kahn is beginning to make mistakes such as the one against Real last night on a regular basis. There's no doubt that if it wasn't for him, Bayern would've had a well-earned 1-0 win. Although it's highly likely that we'll see a very different Real in two weeks time, Bayern showed a level of competitiveness that clearly surprised Real. Through a combination of neat passing play and aggressive pressing, Real had little room and time to settle down and work their magic. It's just a shame that the game was almost spoilt by a couple of nasty incidents; Ballack's tackle on Beckham, Demichelis' tackle on Carlos and the latter's punch back, as well as Ze Roberto's constant playacting, all of which should make the return leg a heated affair.

Arsenal's first win on Spanish soil against Celta Vigo was the most clear-cut result of yesterday's games and demonstrated that they just might be able to make it further than they have done before. Despite a few defensive errors, their attacking play is showing signs of variation that it had lacked in previous excursions into the latter stage sof the Champions League. As long as they play sensible football in the game at Highbury then they should make it through.

Leaving the Lokomotiv Moscow-Monaco tie aside, as it really could still go either way, Milan might still slip up against Sparta in the San Siro in a fortnight. The Czechs have already proved against Lazio that they're not beyond a last minute surprise and if you consider the negative display that AC offered in last season's final, they wouldn't be a great loss.

Despite spending extortionate amounts of money this season Chelsea have twice come up against a wall that prevents them from really challenging for a major title, namely Arsenal. On Saturday the Gooners once again demonstrated why the title is still a two horse race. Although Chelsea have got a fine team, you have to suspect that a lot of the deadwood will have to be cut away before they can make a consistent challneg for the title. In any case, Man U's draw against Leeds means that they, too, have a lot of catching up to do,s omething that may prove hard to do with Silvestre out for 3 weeks.
________P_GD_PTS
1 Arsenal 26 34 64
2 Man Utd 26 26 57
3 Chelsea 26 26 55

Elsewhere, Liverpool rolled over and died in their Cup tie replay against Pompey and Tottenham once again showed a thrilling game for the neutrals with a 4-4 draw against a ten man Leicester City.

Gossip-wise we're struggling with the only interesting news being Chelsea's interest in Fabio Capello and Dennis Bergkamp angling for a one year contract to keep him at Highbury. Roll on the Champions League.

The BBC is reporting that Paul Scholes has been charged with violent behaviour towards an opponent during Manchester United's Premiership match with Middlesbrough. A bit out of the blue surely? Sure, there was a set-to with Doriva, but seeing as neither was booked it seems peculiar that the FA are dragging it up again. Have a nice weekend Alex...
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More Man U news (hey we're not doing it on purpose), as Roy Keane blows a fuse about the attitude of some of his younger teammates. The Guardian has an article in which he justifies himself going public with his views because "with young players sometimes it goes in one ear and out the other". He carries on with [they] "think they can live off last year's championship". The Grauniad suggests that by that, John O'Shea and Kieran Richardson are immediately implicated, especially as both have struggled to replicate their form from last season. Round And White's solution is easy: simply show them a video of THAT tackle on Alf-Inge Haaland and just watch that workrate increase. Roy is also threatening to start playing for Ireland again as well. Has he got a new book coming out or what?
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James Beattie is telling pretty much everybody that he wouldn't have a problem with Glenn Hoddle returning to Southampton. "I never had a problem with Glenn, I certainly have no axe to grind with him or grudge to bear and I would not slap in a transfer request," he told the BBC. "I've always had the highest regard for his coaching ability. He spent a lot of time with me on the training ground and I learned a lot from him. So if he were to return, I would have no problems and would certainly be able to work with him....Yes, he did try to sell me to Crystal Palace, but with the wisdom of hindsight I can see why he might have wanted to have done it. I was a raw, young striker who had not established myself in the first team and he had agreed what he thought was a good price for me with Palace....I told him I didn't want to go, and he said: 'fair enough, let's work together'." The man doth protest too much, methinks.

Well, that's what The Sun is saying, and apart from the appalling pun, they're right. On the basis of last night's debut performance, Ledley does deserve to travel to Portugal as part of the squad. Whether or not he'll still get to play is a different matter, but one suspects with only Terry and Campbell as first-choice centrebacks, the Tottenham youngster is at least on the right track to gaining a few more caps. Southgate, his partner looked ok, but his lack of pace was exposed once or twice and that's not something Sven will want to have worry about when choosing the team against France in June.

Apart from that the usual England characteristics seemed to crop up. Ashley looked a little unsteady when confronted with defensive duties, Beckham played a solid game, Scholes had another uninteresting performance, David James had a good flap and so on. So we'll move swiftly on and congratulate Wales on getting over their play-off hangover and spanking Scotland 4-0, who appear to have wound the clock back to the time of their first performances under Berti. 10 goals conceded in 2 games is appalling to say the least.
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David Pleat has apparently been making come hither eyes at Sergei Rebrov, who is now saying that he will return to Tottenham from Turkey at the end of the season, which kind of suggests that Helder Postiga is almost certainly going to move on.

Apparently Mark Viduka is shortly to become the subject of a ban for not reporting for duty with Australia. Leeds say his hamstring is playing up, and the AFA are presumably suggestion that either Leeds or Viduka are telling porkies. Normally, it can be annoying when players get "injured" before "important" friendlies, but in Mark's defence, he's just returned to England after spending nearly a month with his sick father in Melbourne. Give the guy a break. In turn Viduka has justifiably threatened the AFA with his international retirement if FIFA impose a ban on him. It's all very much a case of cutting your nose off to spite your face, although I'm secretly in hope that its merely because Qantas don't stock his favourite pie.

And that really is all the news, despite all the friendlies taking place this evening, as we really don't want to have to resort to those Ronaldo to Chelsea/Man U/Arsenal rumours again. Whoops.

...as David Beckham shows signs of wanting to look like Robbie Savage. Let's hope it's just a phase that he'll grow out of.

In fact he's criticising the FA for offering Eriksson a new contract as apparently, "it's caused a lot of problems, with questions being put to him in every press conference and from every person he meets." Well, you can hardly blame them though, he's been the best England manager for ages and they just want to stop Chelsea from getting their grubby little mitts on him.

Elsewhere, there's little news. A police search team still hasn't found Gary Neville's brain since he took leave of it halfway through the first 45 minutes on Saturday, and the City (not Citeh btw) have been put on takeover alert, so if this is the sort of thing that grabs your attention then have a gander here.

In an interview with BBC Sport, Auxerre striker Djibril Cisse said he is excited at the prospect of joining Liverpool in the summer. Apparently, he's looking forward to playing with Owen: "Michael Owen is the best English striker and to play with him will be very flattering. He likes to play to feet and I like the spaces." Unfortunately, someone has failed to mention to him that Owen may well be gone by the summer and he'll be partnering Emile Heskey.

And finally Round and White would like to pay tribute to José Antonio Reyes, who well and truly announced his arrival in English football on Sunday, with a peach of a debut goal. 17 million big ones well spent? It's looking like that.

It's too good not to share: last Saturday was the first time Gary Neville received two cards on St Valentine's Day (off The Guardian). More on the weekend's action later.

And so it seems inevitable that Glenn Hoddle will be returning to Southampton, despite the fact that the fans don't really want him back. When we first posted about the news last week, everybody thought it was a big windup rumour, started by the tabloids in the post transfer window period. Instead, to the dismay of the fans, Rupert Lowe has got his heart set on Glenda and is trying to placate them by saying, "sometimes the most popular decisions are not the right ones". Unfortunately, that doesn't necessarily mean that the most unpopular decisions are wrong either. And whose to say that the fans don't know what's (or who's) best for the club. There are plenty of football club chairmen out there who have repeatedly made the wrong decision and in the end it's the club and the fans who suffer (hello Mr Ridley). Hoddle may believe that he has "unfinished business", but then he shouldn't have walked out in the first place. Listen to the supporters Mr Lowe, without them the club is nothing.

Before you all get excited, it's Brooklyn, who has joined Spurs' Football in the Community training sessions for local youngsters. Still Spurs fans, if his Dad is anything to go by then he'll show enormous potential and then get snapped up by Man U at the age of 16. Something to look forward to eh? One onlooker said: "You can see that Brooklyn is going to develop into a good player. The kids were only practising elementary football skills, but Brooklyn shows a lot of promise." Mind you, that's what they probably said about Helder Postiga too.

Naturally, with the transfer window closed, it's time for Real Madrid to threaten to buy every (or at least one) European star player, thereby winding up Arsene Wenger and driving tabloid journalists into a frenzy. Apparently, they want to buy either Henry or van Nistelrooy/Nistelrooij. But then again, who doesn't? Nevertheless, the former has told Real to "forget it" and the latter has just signed a new contract. Mikey Owen it is then.

Having said, perhaps Man U should take the money, and buy some new defenders. Thanks to yesterday's slip up at home to Boro , they're now 5 points behind Arsenal, who still haven't lost all season in the league and Chelsea who are now only a point behind them. The fact that over the last 3 games the United defence has a worse record than that of Spurs must be of some worry to Alec.

At the other end of the table Leeds have finally pulled themselves clear and the possibility of all 3 of last year's promoted teams being relegated again has increased. And the middle of the table is looking pretty convoluted too; with only 7 points between Liverpool and Boro, 10 teams have got a reasonable chance of grabbing a UEFA Cup place, if not the fourth Champions League spot.

Unsurprisingly, Fifa is defending its "new" offside law, by saying that "the latest guidelines on the offside law are nothing new and are understood by players and managers". But that isn't really the point is it. Most people understand it, but they're simply of the opinion that it's a crap rule.

Supporters of a new football stadium in Brighton are sending more than 100 bunches of flowers to Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott. It is the latest move by fans who want the new stadium built at Falmer. It follows a local planning inspector's report which advised the city council not to back the scheme. Paul Samrah, from the Falmer for All Campaign, said: "We are overwhelmed at the support we have received."
(Off the Beeb via Gray Blog)

Continuing on our post on football agents from last week which was in response to Tom Fordyce's 'Corruption in Football' article, it's worth mentioning that he's generously provided the next article in the series. This time he focuses on how to become an agent, and an informative read it is too. Perhaps the most surprising aspect of the report is that it is apparently ridiculously easy to be a "wheeling and dealing" agent in the transfer market. If one considers this, then it becomes easier to understand why the UK transfer market "will struggle to rid itself of illegal transfer dealings despite the best efforts of the authorities". However, in my mind there is little doubt that the "best efforts" are simply not good enough. Why do agents command such high fees? Surely the FA, UEFA and Fifa could force them to become to be a lot more transparent. Indeed, one has to question why Man U paid Branko Stoic (Louis Saha's agent) £750,000 despite the fact that the player was more than happy to leave. Ultimately, the various associations should be able to implement new legislation which forces wannabe agents to go through a much more rigorous application process before they receive their licence, but you suspect that hell will freeze before this happens.

Back to the real story of the day, where The Guardian is adamant that Glenn Hoddle is to return to Southampton to replace Gordon Strachan, who will be sorely missed from the Premiership. I have to agree with Blog FC's opinion that Strachan's has generally been a good manager and in my mind one of the real characters in the Premier League, unlike Glenda who normally has the prescence of a cold fish. The Beeb are still hedging their bets on whether Hoddle will join, much like Football365 who are reporting pretty much the same thing, i.e. that Rupert Lowe hasn't denied it. This is probably because Lowe knows that the fans will be more than a little unhappy if their old manager really does return.

Other than that, the only news worth mentioning is that Chelsea have definitely signed Petr Cech and David Batty suddenly has a lot of time on his hands.

We're not exactly fans of the Fifa president, but even we have to admit that he's finally come up with a good idea. He wants to limit the number of subs used in international friendlies, which will thankfully mean that Sven's attempt to play every English player in the Premier League will hopefully be curtailed within the near future. Naturally we're waiting with baited breath for some ludicrous suggestion to accompany this useful idea. Go on Sepp, surprise us!

Yep, as we suggested yesterday, Mr Mancini has suddenly denied wanting to leave Stadio Olimpico for the surroundings of White Hart Lane and Chigwell.

And now onto more pressing matters. Despite the transfer window closing on Monday it wasn't going to be long until the rumours surrounding this summer's moves start to show up. First up is the news that Edu might well be moving to Barca in the summer.

This weekend sees the first meeting of Charlton and Chelsea since the latter threw enough wads of cash at Scotty Parker. In addition, the last time the Addicks visited Stamford Bridge was when Chelsea were attempting the novel beach football idea. So there won't be any grudges there then?

Yet another Liverpool player appears to be suffering from delusions of grandeur, as Bruno Cheyrou touts himself as a replacement for Zidane in the French squad should the midfield genius become injured. Will let you ponder that one. At the same time, Nic Anelka has opened the door to reconciliation with Jacques Santini, the French manager, and would now be happy to be included in the squad for this summer's European Championships. Of course, only a cynic would suggest that he's trying to get himself in the Euro-shop window in order to get a move to a new club.

And finally, it will come as no surprise to many of you that Chelsea once again tried to scupper a big move by offering Sevilla £22 million for Reyes just before he signed for Arsenal.

Imagine the scene from September 29th 2001. Spurs at home against Man United, 3-0 up at half-time and cruising. Only to bugger things up and lose 5-3. Now flash forward to last night. 3-0 up at half-time and cruising against a 10-man Man City.
Ok, so it was only 4-3 in the end, but it's the principle that counts. Spurs fans might argue that they were unlucky thanks to a cruel deflection, an equaliser that was offside and a couple of cracking saves from their debutante goalkeeper, but in the second half Citeh were irresistable and won it fair and square. One suspects that potential new Spurs manager Roberto Mancini might make a u-turn yet.

Call it a cup upset if you will, but surely not quite as in the same class as Aachen's 2-1 cup win over Bayern Munich. Yes, everybody's favourite team bowed out of the German Cup last night to high-flying second division Alemannia and thanks to a poor performance from the Oliver "Blonde Ogre" Kahn were left with egg on their faces, something that league leaders Werder Bremen just managed to avoid the night before thanks to two very last minute goals in a 3-2 win.

Meanwhile, UEFA have decided that the 2005 Champions League final will take place at the Ataturk Olympic Stadium in Istanbul. Sod's Law will dictate that an English team will make it through to the final.

Once again, we at Round and White are sad to have to inform the footballing public that another case of drug-taking has reared its ugly head. As Stephane Henchoz can only have been 'under the influence' when he came up with this baffling statement, "I feel that if you were to take each player individually and compare them with Manchester United's, then, I'm sorry, I do not think we are any worse than them."

Apart from stating the obvious (Man U 12 points ahead, etc.), we will certainly be judging this statement the next time the two teams meet. If it (hypothetically) were true Stephane, then you would therefore be implying that Houiller is a worse manager than Alex Ferguson. Hmmm.

That's the title of BBC Sports' 'Exclusive' on their football website this lunchtime. The article goes on to say that illegal transfer dealings are rife within English football, according to a high-profile agent. The unsurprisingly unnamed agent also claims that:
- players are frequently tapped up illegally by other clubs
- unlicensed agents operate throughout the game,
- certain agents illegally attempt to steal other agents' players.

"The reality is that players have often already been tapped up before a transfer bid," he says and continues, "that means the buying club already have a pretty good idea of whether the player will go or not before they make their offer. That goes on at all levels - all throughout the Nationwide divisions as well.

Now this may well be an exclusive to Tom Fordyce, the reporter who wrote the article, but it's quite likely that it's not exactly something new to the rest of us. We've heard countless stories of managers tapping up future players and the fact that despite UEFA's and FIFA's best efforts (minimal as they are) unlicenced agents still ply their business and even the licenced one aren't always above board. Unfortunately, the only way to solve the problem of corruption is for all parties to become a lot more transparent.

After all, although the agents are often portrayed as slippery characters, it is fairly apparent that a lot of the clubs are probably hiding things too. There's no doubt that John Magnier and JP McManus knew that expressing their doubts about Man U's transfer history was how to hit Alex Ferguson hardest and Arsenal have also allegedly been guilty of tapping up players as Nic Anelka claims. Unfortunately, the FA seems to have little will power to do anything about it. They may act all tough on supposed doping, but when it comes to brown envelopes there's little action. A shame really, as corruption could easily become a lot more serious if nothing is done to combat it.

If you really want to read something informative about this subject, then Round and White recommends Tom Bower's book 'Broken Dreams: Vanity, Greed and the Souring of British Football'.

Monster!

...which pretty much sums up the end of the party feeling at Round and White now that the transfer window is closed. With no more juicy rumours to tell, we're desperate for news, enough so to try looking at The Sun's website (which isn't working alas). Instead we've turned to the far more reliable Football 365 and discovered the news that will delight Pompey fans: Glenn Hoddle is allegedly trying to persuade Southampton chairman Rupert Lowe to re-hire him as the new Saints boss. No, we didn't believe it either.

With that item out of the way we'd better finish off the story of yesterday's biggest last minute transfer. Jermain Defoe, though surprised at having signed for Spurs has wisely declared himself delighted at the move and is already talking about Euro 2004. Wishful thinking perhaps, but with Emile Heskey, Darius Vassell and James Beattie as your main competition for a place alongside Owen and Rooney, you too would be allowed a certain degree of optimism. However, our personal favourite part of his statement is, "I was sitting at home looking forward to the Bradford game…". Surely something you don't hear very often.

The rest of the transfer news (if you don't know it all already) can be found on F365's transfer roundup. And very good it is too.

*the title of the very excellent Snow Patrol's second album.

Well, another weekend’s football is over and once again the FA is likely to see a number of visitors over the next couple of weeks. Take your pick from Ashley Cole, Nic Anelka, Ian Walker and possibly the ginger-haired fury that is Gordon Strachan.

The first two had a brief altercation after the City got a goal back after Henry’s stunning strike had previously taken the score to 2-0. Like a pair of bickering schoolboys, Ashley and Nic had a scrap after the former decided not to give the ball back. After a brief altercation Nic got the red and Ashley the yellow. Cole later said "I only did what he did so it should have been a yellow card for both of us or a red for both of us." Well, Ashley if the video evidence is looked at then you might still get that red card.

Meanwhile, Ian Walker is in trouble for attacking a “supporter” (we use this word in the loosest context) who came on to the pitch to abuse him after City had conceded their third goal of the game. Hopefully, Ian will be let off. Firstly, because the guy shouldn’t have been there in the first place and secondly because anyone who strolls onto the pitch in order to have a go at a goalkeeper halfway through getting a 5-0 whipping (at the hands of Aston Villa too) is clearly a very foolish individual. In terms of stupidity it’s up there with climbing into the lion’s enclosure at London Zoo with a couple of legs of lamb attached to you.

And we’re going out on a limb to suggest that Wee Gordon might have to pop in Lancaster Gate after implying that the referee in Southampton’s game against Man U might have made a few mistakes. Although we’re surprised that a manager of Strachan’s experience is still getting upset by decisions going in Man U’s favour. Surely he must see this as being part of the English game by now?

Anyway, it’s all go in the transfer market as the window slowly begins to close. The big news is that Spurs have been surprisingly active and signed Paul Robinson for 2 million (although he is to join at the end of the season) and Jermain Defoe (with Zamora heading in the opposite direction). It remains to be seen where he will fit in with Robbie Keane, Helder Postiga and Malian golden-boy Freddie Kanoute.

The clearout at Leeds continues as Newcastle sign Leeds' forward Michael Bridges on a three-month loan.

The recently departed Steffen Freund may also be adding to the ex-Spurs contingent at Leicester City, after falling out with Erik Gerets, the Kaiserslautern manager.

Daniel van Buyten has apparently moved to Man City on loan with David Sommeil going back to France in a swap.